1 Corinthians 10:13

Please read my previous post to know what this is about.

My dad raised us to never ever give up. And because of that, I've even had instances when people would tell me that I have a high tolerance for pain. For me, it was never about pride or being too competitive (okay, maybe a little), but more than anything, it was just because it was instilled in me since I was young. I never really knew anything else.

Sitting in the car with my dad saying, "I just really don't know what to do, Lord." over and over and finally ending it with "I give up." after countless sighs, I couldn't even feel anything. I wasn't sad. I wasn't even mad. Just.. that I actually felt the same exact way.

Here we were, two people that practically lived by the motto of never giving up, giving up. For the both of us to give up must mean that we've both hit our limits. I was hurting. After everything that has happened, I just felt helpless. I didn't know what to do anymore. And even if I wanted to go on, I didn't know where to. And I looked at my dad. I wanted more than anything else to tell him not to give up. But before I could, he put himself together and found a solution.

When I got home, I opened my book of answers. This is what it said: No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

Even after everything that I went through, after everything went wrong, I still can't help but feel thankful. I have never felt so loved in my life.

Another love post.

I haven't written anything in awhile. Maybe for fear that i'll reveal too much. Sometimes, I guess I let my emotions take over and it ends up doing all the writing. But I do miss it, so i'll let it take over even just this once. Hopefully I won't give away too much of myself.

If you ask me, there's a very fine line between really good friends and new lovers. Sometimes it's hard to determine which side you're on, so you kind of stay in that gray area. Most people would prefer to know, either if they were on the black side or the white. I'm probably not like most people. I found comfort in staying in the gray area. I guess you could say I liked having the freedom to move from one side to the other. I've never been that relationship-y type of girl, if you know what I mean. But I think now, I'd like to be.

I don't know what's worse, having the right love at the wrong time or the wrong love at the right time? I feel like I'm homesick for a place that doesn't even exist (yet). But don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything. Yes, it does feel nice to have some consistency in your life, but I think the greatest loves are the ones that surprise you. The ones you never expected. The ones that leave you and return, even greater than before. The ones that hurt the most. And the ones that stay with you almost forever.

I need to know that this kind of love still exists. The kind that doesn't really need words. The kind that let's you sleep together, and I mean, literally, sleep right next to each other without the expectation of anything more. The kind of love that lights up the room. The kind of love that makes other people say, "I want that. Exactly what they have." It would be so peaceful. Like the feeling of sleep, but being awake in it together.

I've probably said too much already. But life is too short to lie about how you really feel. What do you have to lose? Carpe that fucking diem! :)