My thoughts keep me awake at night.

Are you single?

Probably the worst thing any twenty-something could hear, even from the nicest of persons --your grandmother, the next door neighbor, that childhood friend you grew apart from.

Who knew that three innocent words, when placed in a particular order, could haunt even the strongest of people? In this case, me, in particular. I wrote earlier today that I came in for a job interview. What I forgot to mention was that I was actually asked that specific question: "Are you single?"

My very first thought was probably, If I get the job or not, will it matter if I'm single? which somehow escalated to Will it even matter if I live out the rest of my life single? I mean, I've lived out the first quarter of my life "technically" single. What's another few decades? *Cue literally any Adele song*

So, to the reason why I'm still single: I hope you're single as well. Because when I finally meet you, 2 weeks, or 1 year, or even 10 years down the road, I will let you know that on this day, you have kept me from sleep. You have kept me waiting and allowed my thoughts to get the better of me. And at the very least, if you're also single at this very moment, I could have the pleasure of believing that you're awake as well. Maybe even thinking about meeting me.

So please please please be single. Right now. With me.

Ahh fuck.

I didn't want to complain anymore, but what the hell. I'm annoyed. My brother planned this Ace Water Spa day for this morning. I didn't even know it was a 'big' thing or whatever so I didn't really think about it. I slept in a little late last night (around 4 am) because I was writing resolutions and reminiscing about 2011. When this morning came (around 9 am) my dad was waking everyone up telling us to get dressed etc, etc. No one was getting up. Then he started asking, "Are you coming?" I woke up a little bit just enough to say no and went back to sleep. Next thing you know he's trying to drag me out of bed telling me to get dressed.

Now, here's what I'm annoyed at. 1) You don't ask people something and assume the answer. He asked if I was coming and I said no. Case closed. Don't tell me otherwise. 'Cause then, what's the point of asking?! and 2) I'm not a morning person. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. I don't like getting up and being rushed in the morning unless I really really need to. I'm particular about how I shower and what I wear. You can't expect me to shower 5 minutes and wear whatever just because you're rushing to go out. If you want to go out, go the fuck out. I want to sleep in so leave me alone. And what's super annoying was 3) On their way out I could hear them saying shit about me. Like how I was so corny and that I never go out with my family etc, etc. First of all, I'm really not in the mood to swim, okay. And second, i've been home a lot and it's not like they're eager to bond with me. So what the fuck is all this crap about how we never hang out or whatever? I'm always home. They're always out. If you want to hang out, then stay the fuck at home and talk to me. I don't understand why we have to go out.

Anyway, I'm going back to sleep. This just totally ruined my morning.

Today's Complaint: Sleep.

I had my LASARE3 Retreat last weekend. We had this activity wherein we had to sit in chair, close our eyes and 'reflect'. Our facilitator was saying things like, 'focus on your breathing.. inhale.. exhale..' & 'feel your fingers.. be aware of their existence..' and I swear to God, I just blacked out. Like I literally just fell asleep. After 10 minutes of that, I woke up (THANK GOD) just in time for snacks. But I didn't even go eat 'cause I was just so freakin' tired.

You see, it's like this. I don't get much sleep during weekdays. With my 23-unit term and 6-10 pm trainings every other day, there isn't really room for much sleep. --That is, if you don't count short naps during class. But seriously, I'm lucky if I even get 5 hours of sleep in a night. For me, that's enough to get through the day.

So, going back to my retreat. After we had our break for snacks, we were supposed to write a reflection paper regarding, well, our reflection period. --Which, I had none, because, as I was saying earlier, I fell asleep. So when we got back to the function room where we held our sessions, I started writing. (More like cramming, actually) By the end of it, I realized I wrote a whole paper about me not getting enough sleep. Oh, the joy. There I was supposed to be writing about my prayer time, but instead, writing about sleep. But needless to say, I submitted that paper. Well, I didn't really have a choice. I didn't have another paper. Or time to write another one. But hey, at least I was honest!