Today's Complaint: Feelings.

My November Project: I recently came across this quote on tumblr, and it became my inspiration for my self portrait. Little did I know that it would mean so much more to me after I finished.

Last Saturday, something, or rather, someone, came back into my life. I don't know for what reason or purpose, but it definitely hit some nerves. At one point during the night, I'm pretty sure that I was so overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that I didn't even know what to feel anymore.

But now that it's over, I know completely where I stand. First of all, you no longer have the privilege to talk to me like the way you do. Your sweet words could have fooled the old me, but the me now knows exactly what those are. Just words. Second, you have this way to make me feel like it's my fault. And sometimes, I even believe you. That is until I snap back into reality and remember that you were the one that walked out on me. All the time, when I remember what happened, I ask myself what I did wrong, when in fact, I didn't do anything to deserve what you put me through. Third, I don't understand why you keep wanting to try again. It will never work. NEVER. & honestly, it's not even worth it to try.

You can't just waltz back into people's lives, expect them care, and then check out again. That's not how it works. & True, I would've chased you then, but after countless times of you letting me down, you no longer have the right to string me along.

So listen here, and listen good, I will always have a soft spot for you. I will always care for you and maybe even twitch a little every time I see you out with another girl. And whether I like it or not, I will always love you. But know this, I won't ever go back to you. The way you hurt me will stay with, if not forever, then for a long long time.

You asked me why I so strong, and I didn't lie when I said it was because of you. And I didn't mean it in a positive way. What I meant was that my love for you almost killed me. And I knew that if I wanted to survive, I had to toughen up. So I built walls and guarded my heart.

I hope you meant it when you said you loved me. And if you truly cared for me, please do this one thing. Just let me go.

Why can't I just be a robot! That way, things wouldn't be so complicated.

Today's Complaint: Being misunderstood.

Some people mistake my confidence for arrogance. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, but I guess I just know what I want (in most cases). And sometimes, I rub off the wrong way with some people. I'm sorry for being upfront, but I'm brutally honest.

I hate that I'm still bothered by comments like this. I've had people say more hurtful shit about me (like how I'm a bitch or a flirt or even a liar), but I can't seem to shake this off as easily as the others. Maybe 'cause somehow I feel that it reflects how my parents raised me. & I know for a fact that they raised me well and don't deserve such negative feedback about their offspring. My parents taught me how to be confident to the extent of my abilities, but I know I still have a lot to learn. Ask anyone. I even underestimate myself. In fact, I know there will always be someone better and more equipped than me. So if there's something I know for sure I can do well, you better bet your ass I'll do it better than well! And if that comes off as arrogant, then I'm sorry.

So, words of advice, if you don't know me, don't judge me. Yes, I've done stupid things just to get my way, but really, who hasn't?

Today's Complaint: When words fall short.

Last Friday was my last day for my on-the-job training (OJT). To be perfectly honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Maybe it'll hit me tomorrow, when I realize it's Monday and that I'm not groggy and up early to face Makati traffic head on. Maybe i'll just lay in bed a couple of more minutes longer than I usually do and just stare. Until it hits me that I have to get up and continue working on my thesis. My damn thesis that I can't seem to voluntarily work it. I literally have to force myself to think about it.

But before anymore thesis-related complaints, I think I'm gonna reminisce a bit first about Saatchi. It was one hell of an experience. 200 hours was definitely not enough. The people were so ordinary, yet extremely brilliant. Their thoughts.. Their ideas.. it made me insanely jealous. I don't know if they knew it or not, but there was a certain way they spoke of them. If you paid close enough attention, you'd hear that little hint of passion in their voices and even see it through their small hand gestures.

Advertising is definitely not a glamorous job, but I understand why people make it out to be. The people in the industry may complain that the hours suck, the pay is low, the workload is intense, but in the end, they stick to it. They seem to really love what they do, and one day, I hope to be just as lucky. And if unfortunately I end up somewhere else, then I'm glad I was given 200 hours to bask in the greatness of some of the most talented, witty, crazy, badass, socially-awkward, awesome, sabaw, intense, inspiring, and passionate people in the industry.

We made little thank you cards that we gave out during our last day. I even hand-wrote the "thank you" that is written in on top to personalize it even a bit more. --That, and 'cause I couldn't find a font that fit the damn thought bubbles perfectly.

Here's a picture of my thesis group talking about our account. Maaan, I'm gonna miss the bar! I wish I took a picture of the sexy bar stools. I'll probably just do that when we visit next Thursday.

My humble companions that kept me sane. I lost my lighter on our third week and practically borrowed non-stop from kuya guard and my other officemates. I'm sorry for bumming! & don't worry, I already bought myself a shiny new cricket.

There's still a lot I wish I could've said to some people in the office. Thank you for teaching me more than I could ever have learned from school. You are definitely one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. I'm sorry if I ever offended you. I hope we're not awkward from that Friday night. Please father my future children. (Okay, that last one was a joke. A little.) But the thing with words is that sometimes it falls short. So what I'm gonna do instead is offer up my thesis to all those people in the office who changed my life. Hopefully we (my group mates and I) learned enough to win best thesis and make you all proud.

So, I'm not really sure if this was a complaint, but I just felt the need to write so bugger off. This is my blog. Go away.

Today's Complaint: Girl Stuff.

Yesterday was my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. It was quite legendary, and extremely cheesy, but that's not what I'm complaining about. What I actually wanted to write about was the lengths girls go through each and everyday.

I woke up at 6.30 am took a shower and got dressed --like literally, I wore a dress. I put some make-up on (over the make-up I still had from the previous night) and got my heels out of its box. I went through my hair with a flat iron and then headed to work.

The mass my parents arranged was at 4 pm. So by this time, I had already been wearing my heels for a mere 8 hours. No biggie. (I hope you know I'm being sarcastic.) Afterwards, there was a small celebration at our place. Luckily, I was allowed to change into shorts and more comfortable footwear. BUT, the damage had already been done. My pinky toes were already dead. --Not in the literal sense, I didn't have to cut them off or anything, if that's what you're thinking, you morbid person, you.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that girls have it way worse than boys. Boys can just hop in the shower, put on some clean underwear and they're good! Girls on the other hand have to make a million and one decisions --what top/bottom/shoes go with what, what color/print/style go with what, what make-up to use, what way to style your hair-- even before leaving the house! It's crazy. And we even pay for it! My feet hurt until now and my waterproof mascara, which was an advantage yesterday, still won't come off.

Why why why do we torture ourselves?! Oh, I know. 'Cause some dude (I'm assuming a man invented make-up and high heeled shoes because there's no way in hell a woman would invent something that would cause so much pain) probably thought it was funny to give girls more shit to think about other than their monthly period and the pains of giving birth. So, thank you. Whoever you are (for make-up, you're most likely Egyptian, according to Wiki).

Eff.

First non-complaint.

I don't usually do this, blog about non-complaints. I mean, this is a blog dedicated to my complaints and having to write about something that isn't a rant would just seem.. meaningless. But I'm going to make an exemption. Just this one time.

I grew up in a household that gave high importance to computers and technology in general. The family business greatly relied on it, and I was, and still am, thankful for all the innovations Steve Jobs gave us through Apple. I may not have known the man personally, but somehow, his life and his work paved the way for me to be where I am today. I've been an Apple user for around 7 years, before white earphones were cool and everyone had a start bar instead of a dock. Apple exposed me to a clean and simple interface that had a sleek design. Because of that, I became interested in graphics and typography. Today, I find myself in Advertising, which I have Steve to thank for.

So, I'm joining the bandwagon. --Along with 1,000,000++ loyal fans that blogged about Steve Jobs. He's that brilliant. To be honest, I didn't want to conform by writing just another regular tribute. I tried thinking of other ways, such as going to the nearest Apple store and impulsively buying myself an iPhone 4 to replace my current spider-webbed screen phone, but due to my lack of funds, that will probably have to wait a few more months. I know blogging won't do much except maybe add to the clutter that had already been uploaded online, but I just really felt the need to write about a stranger that changed my life, along with millions of others, by being different.

If you're not aware of just how awesome Steve Jobs was, please take the time to educate yourselves. Start with this: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html It's quite lengthy, but I promise you it is seriously worth your time. "Stay hungry. Stay Foolish." Damn, he was brilliant. I can't stress it enough.

Thank you times infinity, Steve Jobs. I'm not sure what your religion is (wiki says you're Buddhist), but i'll be praying for you & your family. You've done so much for this world, it's time to rest. You will surely be missed, sir.

Today's Complaint: Commuting!

Yesterday I had dinner plans with 2 of my girlfriends. We planned to meet at Shang 'cause I was coming from work, which is in Chino Roces, Makati, and I was only taking the train since my sister had the car with her all the way in Alabang. I thought, sure, fine, the train wasn't so bad. Boy, was I wrong.

I mean, I'm used to commuting. In fact, I used to commute all the time before I got driving privileges. --What can I say, I'm spoiled.

Anyway, for some crazy reason, the train was EXTRA full that night. One of my thesis mates, Gail, almost didn't make it out the Ayala Station. And when I got to my stop, I got one foot out of the door before a stampede pushed me back inside. Thank God this old man saw me and grabbed hold of my wrist and pulled me out. It was one crazy train ride. I HATE RUSH HOUR.