Maybe it's because of my intensely busy schedule. I'm taking up 23-units this term (18 is the usual full load). And apart from that, I'm an officer in another organization. Publications Manager for the AdCreate Society, to be specific. My last class, which is LAW, ends at 7.30 pm on some days and since training starts at 6, I usually miss the first half of it. & by that time, I'm usually so lazy to go to training already. Also, starting September, I'll be having my OJT. That will probably be 10 am to 7 pm everyday. EVERYDAY. Training is 6 to 9 or even 10 pm. And coming from Makati (fingers crosses the company we applied for accepts us), I'll probably arrive for training at around 8 pm. Which, again, will be useless.
Maybe it's because I'm not part of any upcoming competition until I graduate. No Skechers. --I auditioned, but didn't get in the compet team. No Crissa. --They cancelled it this year. No UAAP. --I'd have graduated by then. No Lactacyd. --My upcoming schedule can't handle it.
Maybe it started when I realized I had nothing left to train for. I probably only go to training out of routine and not anything else. I'm hollow, moving to beats and sounds I can't actually hear. I'm not that same person that allows herself to get lost in the music anymore. I'm training for the sake of training.
And you want to know something honest? It scares me. Dance was the only thing I could turn to. It was that one thing I promised I wouldn't let go of in my life. But living as I am now, with the hustle and bustle of my everyday life, I think I've lost it.
Help.
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