Ahh fuck.

I didn't want to complain anymore, but what the hell. I'm annoyed. My brother planned this Ace Water Spa day for this morning. I didn't even know it was a 'big' thing or whatever so I didn't really think about it. I slept in a little late last night (around 4 am) because I was writing resolutions and reminiscing about 2011. When this morning came (around 9 am) my dad was waking everyone up telling us to get dressed etc, etc. No one was getting up. Then he started asking, "Are you coming?" I woke up a little bit just enough to say no and went back to sleep. Next thing you know he's trying to drag me out of bed telling me to get dressed.

Now, here's what I'm annoyed at. 1) You don't ask people something and assume the answer. He asked if I was coming and I said no. Case closed. Don't tell me otherwise. 'Cause then, what's the point of asking?! and 2) I'm not a morning person. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. I don't like getting up and being rushed in the morning unless I really really need to. I'm particular about how I shower and what I wear. You can't expect me to shower 5 minutes and wear whatever just because you're rushing to go out. If you want to go out, go the fuck out. I want to sleep in so leave me alone. And what's super annoying was 3) On their way out I could hear them saying shit about me. Like how I was so corny and that I never go out with my family etc, etc. First of all, I'm really not in the mood to swim, okay. And second, i've been home a lot and it's not like they're eager to bond with me. So what the fuck is all this crap about how we never hang out or whatever? I'm always home. They're always out. If you want to hang out, then stay the fuck at home and talk to me. I don't understand why we have to go out.

Anyway, I'm going back to sleep. This just totally ruined my morning.

22 years and counting.

My sister gave me this brazilian wish bracelet, or "Fitas do Senhor do Bonfim da Bahia" as they are commonly known in Brazil, awhile back. You're supposed to make 3 knots and make a wish for every knot you make. I made 3 wishes, which were:

1) A good year for LSDC-Street

2) For BTG to win best thesis

3) A boyfriend

Only one of those wishes has come true. LSDC had a championship sweep this year. --Winning 4 out of 4 competitions! It's impossible for my second wish to come true because I already finished working on my thesis. And it did not go very well 'cause of a certain panelist from A.S.&S., but I did manage to get a 4.0 GPA, so thank God. As for my third wish.. well, let's just say I won't be changing my Facebook status from Single to In A Relationship anytime soon.

I turned 22 this year. And it must be some record that I'm still single in some parallel universe (Yeah, I know some people that have been single for much longer that's why I said in a different dimension). And to be perfectly honest, I'm starting to wonder why. Don't worry, I don't mean any of that bullshit like: "maybe i'm ugly", "i'm too fat", "nobody wants me 'cause I have a strong personality", "i'm funnier than most boys and they don't like that" --NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

I mean, come on. Yes, I've had strong connections with boys. Yes, I've been close to having a relationship. Yes, I've kissed a boy. Hell, I've even kissed a lot of boys. But that's not what I meant. On the exterior, I'm good. Or even, great. I'm not as socially awkward as some and I'd like to think I'm not that bad looking either. So what's the problem, you ask? Well, I think it's more on the interior. The emotional aspect of it all. I don't mean to quote Mila Kunis, but "I'm emotionally damaged."

When I was younger, they told me to play hard to get. To not let boys in my life unless they tried hard enough. One by one they moved on and I was left alone because I never really thought any of them were trying enough. As I got older, I decided to take risks. To do crazy things like fall for the guy that could make me smile and give him a part of me I sheltered away, safe and hidden. I got my heart broken and I know it's been too long, but he'll always be the one I subconsciously compare everyone I meet to. And as I continue on to adulthood, I'm back to guarding my heart, meaning what's left of it, and putting up walls to keep people out.

I guess I'm back to square one. I wonder how long i'll be on this cycle of getting my heart broken.. Anyway, I'm considering letting someone in again, but not after I give my ultimatums. If someone wants to be with me, like really be with me, and not just for feel good moments and impulsive nights, I like to think that he'll make a way. Even when everything is against his favor. I may be a sappy closet romantic, but hey, I need to believe that real love really is out there. 'Cause if not, then what else do I look forward to in a world full of chaos and strife?

I understand that no one's perfect. But why can't anyone at least come close?

I don't know why I wrote this post. I guess the christmas vibes are gone.

Tattoos.

My best friend Alex and I have this oral contract with each other that we're only getting 5 tats max. And they all have to be matching. I mean, the design is the same, but the placement can differ. We currently have 2 out of 5.

One is 'sic transit gloria mundi', which means 'thus passes worldly glories', on my lower back, right side (hers on the opposite side) and the other is a broken infinity on my right rib cage (hers on the left, in white ink).

So I've been thinking about getting another for awhile now. Like, almost 2 or 3 months, I think. I wanted to get an outline of a swallow with the word freedom on it, but Alex doesn't want to get a bird. Well, she does have a point that everyone seems to have a bird (a swallow, nonetheless).

I made this around 2 months ago, I think. I really wanted it, but if Alex doesn't want, then I can't. :(

Yesterday, I saw my friend Gio. He was sporting a new tat behind his ear. A bunch of smaller triangles that form one triangle. I loved it! Believe it or not, it's my favorite shape. And yes, I do have a favorite shape, shut up. I am so jealous! I really want another one. Like now. :(

My next choices are:
1. The word 'honesty' on left ring finger
2. A paper plane tattoo on my forearm
3. A diamond on my nape
4. An anchor on the top of my right foot

Others that I haven't thought of where to put yet:
1. A cross
2. A triangle
3. An empty speech bubble (I've always been fascinated by words. And somehow, I've found comfort in words left unsaid.)

Trippy ideas:
1. Connect the dots (Imagine, you can trace that everyday! And if you don't, they just look like dots/moles strategically placed on your body)
2. A baby elephant (Just because it's adorable!!)
3. Anything CMYK related (Like the bleed areas in newspapers and magazines. I don't know what you call those..)

Well, that's definitely more than 5. AAAAHHHHH What to do, what to do. I WANT MORE. Well, being the impulsive person that I am, I might just get a random tattoo (that isn't even on my list) one of these days.

That's it. It's official. I've gone bonkers.

Who am I?

I know I just posted a couple of minutes ago, but I found this in one of my folders and I remember writing it a month ago. I meant to post it, but for some weird reason, I didn't have internet connection that day so I saved it on word.

Let me tell you what kind of person I am before you let me in your life and ruin everything.

I don’t like doing things that everyone does.
Which is why I join and quit things quite a lot & it’s also why I am attracted to everything bad for me.

For that reason exactly. They’re bad for you, therefore not everyone does them. I like feeling independent and having something separate from what everyone expects of me. I don’t like them to overlap and intersect because I like having somewhere I can run to if other things fall apart.

I’m selfish, but not competitive.
Which is also why I settle, most every time I am faced with situations that require me to be competitive.

I want things to be mine and mine alone, yet if I find that you aspire the same things I want, I will eagerly back off. I can’t deal with losing and rejection. And this is my way of avoiding it.

I’m scared to want things.
Which is actually why I don’t know what I want 99% of the time.

It’s embedded into my mind that wanting things is a sure waste of my time for 2 reasons. 1) Expectations. You build it up in your head that you’ll get it & when you don’t, it crushes you like ice in a snow cone. 2) It’s true, good things do happen, but only temporarily. When you’re happiest is when you’re most vulnerable. Getting something also means you’ll have the opportunity to lose it.

I'm very fickle.
I'm impulsive and spontaneous and I swear you'll never have to worry about having a boring conversation, but you better make sure you're ready for it. I don't change for anyone. And if you fuck with me, you will never see me again. Yeah, I'm not really keen on revenge, but you never really know. I can change my mind in an instant.

I know who I am and who I'm not. Please don't tell me otherwise.




I've come to realize that my blog is slowly moving away from complaints and into some serious stuff. Yes people, I am human. Hopefully this won't turn against me and bite me in the ass in the future.

Take credit for your work or someone else will.

I wasn't able to blog at all the whole month of November. I think it's safe to say I was hella busy. I had thesis to work on and think about and all my extra time was either used for sleeping or drinking --or both. Anyway, now that that's all over, I just wanted to start an archive of some sort of some of the things I've done in the past. The advertising industry is a competitive one, and believe it or not, EVERYTHING has been done before. The best way to get ahead is to know how to hide your sources.

For my thesis, I, together with my thesis group, had to make a 360 degree campaign for Lexus. Here are some of the stuff I worked on:

I edited these two pictures (that are stock images that I obtained from the agency)

And turned them into these print ads for my thesis:

A week ago, my friend also asked me to make her some infographics for her org and here are how they turned out:

It's for this movement against health inequalities in the Philippines under the non-profit organization, Project Laan.

Since I have no choice but to live/breathe advertising, I even end up making posters for block beach trips and the like.

It's super random, I know, but I need to keep my creative juices flowing!

Awhile back, I had a subject that focused on events. For our final project, we had to make an actual event, and being the wild college students that we were, we decided to make a party stocked with free flowing booze and good times.

Here's the poster (sans sponsors and other distracting details) for that event:

Last year, I helped a friend out by making her demo class poster. She teaches dance and really needed the advertisements on Facebook.

I made her poster, as well as her accompanying profile pic.

I don't really have my own a camera, but I do try to my hand at photography once in awhile. I've been lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time.

I also make random stuff for LSDC-Street. Sometimes for fun, other times, because I have to. It's not so bad.

My, my, how time flies. I'm pretty sure I've done more than what I've posted above, but this post is becoming quite lengthy. Maybe I'll save it for another rainy day.

Today's Complaint: Feelings.

My November Project: I recently came across this quote on tumblr, and it became my inspiration for my self portrait. Little did I know that it would mean so much more to me after I finished.

Last Saturday, something, or rather, someone, came back into my life. I don't know for what reason or purpose, but it definitely hit some nerves. At one point during the night, I'm pretty sure that I was so overwhelmed by the rush of emotions that I didn't even know what to feel anymore.

But now that it's over, I know completely where I stand. First of all, you no longer have the privilege to talk to me like the way you do. Your sweet words could have fooled the old me, but the me now knows exactly what those are. Just words. Second, you have this way to make me feel like it's my fault. And sometimes, I even believe you. That is until I snap back into reality and remember that you were the one that walked out on me. All the time, when I remember what happened, I ask myself what I did wrong, when in fact, I didn't do anything to deserve what you put me through. Third, I don't understand why you keep wanting to try again. It will never work. NEVER. & honestly, it's not even worth it to try.

You can't just waltz back into people's lives, expect them care, and then check out again. That's not how it works. & True, I would've chased you then, but after countless times of you letting me down, you no longer have the right to string me along.

So listen here, and listen good, I will always have a soft spot for you. I will always care for you and maybe even twitch a little every time I see you out with another girl. And whether I like it or not, I will always love you. But know this, I won't ever go back to you. The way you hurt me will stay with, if not forever, then for a long long time.

You asked me why I so strong, and I didn't lie when I said it was because of you. And I didn't mean it in a positive way. What I meant was that my love for you almost killed me. And I knew that if I wanted to survive, I had to toughen up. So I built walls and guarded my heart.

I hope you meant it when you said you loved me. And if you truly cared for me, please do this one thing. Just let me go.

Why can't I just be a robot! That way, things wouldn't be so complicated.

Today's Complaint: Being misunderstood.

Some people mistake my confidence for arrogance. I'm not saying I'm perfect or anything, but I guess I just know what I want (in most cases). And sometimes, I rub off the wrong way with some people. I'm sorry for being upfront, but I'm brutally honest.

I hate that I'm still bothered by comments like this. I've had people say more hurtful shit about me (like how I'm a bitch or a flirt or even a liar), but I can't seem to shake this off as easily as the others. Maybe 'cause somehow I feel that it reflects how my parents raised me. & I know for a fact that they raised me well and don't deserve such negative feedback about their offspring. My parents taught me how to be confident to the extent of my abilities, but I know I still have a lot to learn. Ask anyone. I even underestimate myself. In fact, I know there will always be someone better and more equipped than me. So if there's something I know for sure I can do well, you better bet your ass I'll do it better than well! And if that comes off as arrogant, then I'm sorry.

So, words of advice, if you don't know me, don't judge me. Yes, I've done stupid things just to get my way, but really, who hasn't?